People who numb their emotions and feelings want to feel but choose not to because they’ve been let down so many times and suffered a lot of pain. They become selfish, not because they want to be but because they fear being hurt all over again. The thought of it scares them. They lose hope, and what they once cared about is no longer there.
So, you start to feel empty, useless, and unworthy, or you start to feel an overpowering amount of emotions and you want to get rid of them. How do you fill your emptiness? What’s your escape from reality? Is it harming you even more or doing you justice? What gives you the satisfaction of running away from the real you and how does it please you? How long does the pleasure last?
We want any kind of joy that comes to us and we take it. Anything to make us feel better, right? Anything to make us feel good even if it’s just for a little, even if it’s just till the end of that bottle of liquor or that bottle of pills we’re overdosing on. Even if it’s just that person you’re talking to for an hour, only for them to forget you exist an hour later. Even if it’s just that website you love to look at or buy stuff from all the time. Even if it’s just that person you’re sleeping with for your needs and your desires.
It’s how you numb your pain. It’s how you seemingly get by, and you feel like it’s the cure for your pain, but it only destroys you more and more internally.
You mean to tell me you’d rather sacrifice temporary joy over forever joy? You mean to tell me you’d rather drink and overdose all your problems away? You mean to tell me you’d rather go to a party and have a quick hookup with a stranger to make you forget your pain? Do you actually think your problems get resolved by doing this? Your pain still exists, and you’re increasing your problems even more and bringing more trouble to your life. When that bottle is empty, your problems still lie within you. At the end of any temporary stage, you will still feel that pain that you tried to get rid of. You will still feel those emotions and feelings that you tried to discard for so long.
I was listening to my pastor in church today as he spoke about how we go for the bad cheer. The kind of cheer that feels good for a moment and then brings you crashing down so hard that you even despise yourself. He explained how there was a good cheer and a bad cheer, but most of us choose the bad cheer. We choose the bad cheer because it’s easy and we always have access to it. It’s comfortable, and so we settle and choose the bare minimum.
The good cheer is hard. The good cheer requires faith. The good cheer requires setbacks, challenges, and disappointments. You may even lose your perspective and get lost, but good cheer isn’t for a moment, it’s forever.
Stop trying to distract yourself from feeling. Stop trying to tuck away the pain people have caused you or the pain you have caused yourself. You’re a human that is capable of all different emotions, whether it’s depression, anger, frustration, or cheer. It’s okay, but don’t go after temporary pleasures and short-term flings. Go after forever joy and don’t stop or settle until you receive it.
You deserve long lasting joy that is fulfilled with grace and passion, not temporary joy that is filled with meaningless pleasures and bigger conflicts that will corrupt your life and tear you down into bits and pieces.
Pick yourself back up and get your joy back. It’s never too late to choose real happiness. It’s all yours.
I believe in you. Spread love and be great.